Needless to say, chicks find this TRY- HARD.

So what should you be doing? A. Well, your woman’s time is valuable. The longer she has to wait on you, the less time and energy she’ll have for sex after the date. Plus, she’s probably exhausted from ironing those shirts. Provided she remembered to clean them. If she’s new, however, and you haven’t housebroken her I recommend putting on some clothes and hiding any stains. I’ve heard that white out will hide almost anything. B. What kind of clothes you ask? Well, you should cover up your bottom and Large Manly Member. Most places these days also require you to cover your manly chest. It’s tough being a man these days when it comes to dress. I admit that holes in shoes look a bit low class and tacky and covering them up with tape painted to look like the color of the shoe is a big bother and doesnt’ work anyway. So, alas, as a man who is suave, sophisticated, and needs to impress your woman, I’m afraid that once your shoes get holes in them, they must be replaced. So just slip those new suckers on and be proud! C. If she doesn’t like a beard or mustache I recommend shaving. Otherwise, simply tell her you are “letting it grow”! Works like a charm. Remember, though it is a bother, a happy woman gives good oral. D. I don’t recommend anything crazy like a shower..remember her time is valuable! However there are two exceptions I can think of. If Rover mistook you for a light pole, or if you fell into a pile of excrement, it is usually adviseable to take a shower. Unfortunately, this will take you AT LEAST two minutes because it takes the water 30 to 60 seconds to warm, so you must explain to your sweetie pie that you will be a tad late and could she please Stop Nagging and Get you a Beer. And, guys, contrary to popular myth , women LIKE male sweat, so you odn’t need to shower after exercise. Trust me, she’ll love you all the better for standing out in the crowd of brainwashed male schmoes. E.Deoderant? Optional in many ways, however this is expected on dates or during social events. So I recommend Old Spice, or Axe. Just not too much. She needs to be able to smell your manly body after all in order to heighten her araul sensation of you. F. I sometimes spend a whole minute combing my hair or applying gel and combing it. This is sometimes necessary to give me “That look” but it does tend to increase the time it takes for me to get ready to go out. Thus, I recommend buying the really GOOD mouse. It will hold your hair in place even after you’ve slept on it. A little crazy glue never hurts. Or you can shave your head, esp if your balding. Why care for hair you are going to lose in five or ten years anyway?

Well there you go. Guys, esp Omegas: Follow my tips and you will have a happier loving girlfriend , and your grooming skills will positively make you a Chick Magnet because , as Roissy would say, they are a form of Social Proof.

aoefe PERMALINK November 22, 2009 1:03 pm Too funny Clarence! Great job – and very very useful to boot.

Bhetti PERMALINK* November 22, 2009 2:54 pm This comment needs to be reposted on your own blawg, Clarence.

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